Boy Scouts' "Perversion Files" Made Public

Last week, the Oregon Supreme Court ordered for the release of the Boy Scouts of America's "Perversion Files" covering from 1965 to 1985.  What these files contain are reports on 1,247 incidents with leaders and volunteers being banned after being accused of sexual or inappropriate behavior.  The release is one of the outcomes of a 2010 case where a Scoutmaster had been convicted of sexually abusing a scout.

The Boy Scouts have opposed the release of the files, claiming that even though the identities of victims had been removed, there's still a possibility of harm that could come to them from the release.  They've also expressed a fear that others may be discouraged from reporting, knowing that the report would eventually become public, having only recently enacted a policy requiring mandatory reporting to police in 2011.

These claims are actually the opposite of what is most likely to happen.  In truth, the secrecy of a reporting process often fuels mistrust and isolation, leading victims to believe nothing is actually being done.  You see it even with bullying.  Transparency encourages reporting.  It builds a trust in the system when victims can see something is actually being done.  It gives them confidence that reporting isn't for nothing when they can see a punishment enforced.  No matter how strong an investigation nor how severe a punishment, if it happens in the shadows then victims and future victims will feel abandoned.

Often the argument is made that a low-key investigation protects the innocence of the accused, but that must be weighed against the potential of future harm.  Should rape victims be left to feel alone, unaware if justice has been served?  That's exactly how Keith Early, a scout who had been abused by his Scoutmaster felt.  Victims are already isolated because of how uncomfortable people are with sexual abuse.  At least let them see there are others trying to help.

Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a time when survivors are recognized amid candlelight vigils and memorials for the ones who were lost.  It is also a time when people can reflect on prevention.  Often when domestic violence comes to mind it is accompanied by images of bruises, blood, and tears.  But what commercials and posters only briefly touch on are other forms of abuse like spousal rape, manipulation, and control.  To prevent the abuse these topics are ones that also need to be addressed.  The signs need to be known before they can be visible.

Much like rape, domestic violence is a crime about power.  The abuser expresses power over the victim as a way to show superiority.  It's often been a myth that domestic violence was a byproduct of people with anger issues, but it's actually the opposite.  Abusers are defined by their ability to control, both themselves and their victims.  They've learned to restrain their anger and use it as a tool of intimidation only when in private.  It's how they blend in.  If abusers had difficulty controlling themselves and their violence, no one would be around them.  They would drive everyone away from them and an unhealthy relationship wouldn't even be possible.  This is why they strive as manipulators, which we talked about more in-depth recently.

The abuse also doesn't "just happen."  As part of the manipulation, an abuser doesn't dive into physical violence from the first date.  Over time an abuser will push the boundaries of their victims, testing how easy they can impose their will.  It starts with seeing friends and family less, maybe even turning the victim against their loved ones by pointing out disagreements.  They slowly chip away at the support structure, leaving only themselves as the one the victim relies on.

That's when the intimidation and violence become more open.  Victims feel trapped.  All the people they would have normally turned to are gone.  They've been isolated by an abusive partner and dependent on them.  This is also why some victims will try to explain away the actions of the abuser.  Lines like "they're not like that all the time," or "you don't know them like I do," try to defend the abuse.  That's because the violence isn't constant, but occurs in a cycle.  First there is the honeymoon phase, where everything seems perfect and they are so in love with their partner.  But as that fades away, the control begins to show and the nervous phase comes in.  The victim is walking on egg shells, worried anything might set their partner off.  But with abusers, no matter how cautious the victim is it doesn't matter.  They will find an excuse and that will be the explosion phase, where sexual and physical abuse occur.  Afterward, an abuse may apologize, buy gifts, and make promises that it will never happen again, bringing it back around to the honeymoon phase again.

There are warning signs to watch for in an unhealthy relationship.  The best form of prevention is to know your boundaries and stick to them.  Don't just watch out for yourself, but watch out for others and keep these signs in mind:

Does the person you are with…

• Ignore your personal boundaries?
• Not listen to what you have to say?
• Get jealous or possessive of you and/or your time?
• Get upset when you don’t do what he/she wants?
• Try to make you feel guilty in order to get his/her way?
• Use alcohol or other drugs while in your presence?
• Pressure you to use alcohol or drugs?
• Insist you go somewhere alone with him/her when you don’t want to?
• Try to pressure you to have sex?
• Have more experience than you?

It's Not Bullying... It's Hazing! That Makes It Okay, Right?

From athletic fields to office buildings there has been a tradition of breaking in the new blood, rituals that are supposed to make them one of the group.  Many times it occurs as embarrassment and assault, sometimes resulting in death.  This ceremony of course is the practice of hazing.

Just this past week news broke of a high school soccer team in La Puente, California being investigated for sexual assault as part of a hazing ritual.  New members of the team would be taken to a room beside the coach's office, told to undress and then they were assaulted with the end of a pole.  This is an act that investigators have speculated to have been occurring for over two years.

In August, a video of Sergeant Phillip Roach being hazed as a "rite of passage" into the Army went viral.  After being struck in the chest with a wooden mallet, he collapsed and struck his head, requiring 6 staples to close the wound.

With such tragic and despicable outcomes of hazing, one would wonder what's even the point of it?  Those who hold onto the rituals claim it builds unity in the group.  It's something they've all been through and it becomes a bond they share.  However, that isn't exactly what's going on.

Hazing is at its core a form of sanctioned bullying.  It establishes a person's place in the hierarchy of a group.  The fact that other members abuse new recruits establishes their rank as seniors to those hoping to join.  It gives them power which they are more than willing to express.  This is the same goal for bullying.  They are acts which harm or embarrass someone in an effort to show they are lesser than the ones committing the acts.  When you talk to those who have been through the hazing rituals about how they hated it, they are still willing to do it to the next round of recruits.  Why, when someone admits how awful it is, would they continue it?  Because it means they're no longer at the bottom.  It gives them a way to show their status in the group.  It is also as a method of exclusion, with the the assaults and behavior being even more difficult on recruits they don't want to join.  For these people, they are only there for others to express their power, having no real opportunity to join.

So what can be done about hazing?  For starters, enacting policy which prohibits it.  There are other ways to form bonds within a team.  Some are mentoring programs by veteran members, not only helping a new recruit to be acclimated more quickly but also building a sense of ownership to the group.  There are numerous team building exercises which place an emphasis on people finding their role in a group based on their strengths and showing how the team can benefit from each member.

Ultimately, hazing won't end until those within a group decide not to do it anymore.  It's when they are able to break the chain and say that they won't do the same, even if it was done to them.  It is the courage of those who are willing to stand out that will end the cycle.

What is Bipolar Disorder?

Also known as manic-depressive illness, bipolar disorder is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in a person's mood, energy and ability to function.

Symptoms

Bipolar disorder causes dramatic mood swings - from overly "high" (mania) to sad and hopeless, and back again, often with periods of normal mood in between.

Symptoms of mania include:

• Increased energy, restlessness
• Excessively euphoric mood
• Extreme irritability
• Racing thoughts, talking very fast and being easily distracted
• Unrealistic belief in one's abilities and powers
• Poor judgment
• Increased sexual drive
• Substance abuse

Symptoms of depression include:

• Feelings of hopelessness and pessimism
• Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed, including sex
• Sleeping too much or not being able to sleep at all
• Change in appetite
• Decreased energy
• Thoughts of suicide

Sometimes, severe episodes of mania or depression also include symptoms of psychosis (such as hallucinations and delusions).

  

Cause

Most scientists agree this illness is caused by a combination of genetics and environment. Bipolar disorder tends to run in families, and research suggests genetic precursors to the disorder. In addition, a major stressor or life event is believed to trigger the disease in those that have the genetic predisposition.

Treatment

People with bipolar disorder can lead healthy and productive lives when the illness is effectively treated. Without treatment, however, it tends to worsen. Because bipolar disorder is a recurrent illness, long-term preventive treatment is strongly recommended. A strategy that combines medication and psychological treatment is optimal for managing the disorder over time. If those methods are ineffective, electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) may be considered. ECT is a highly effective treatment for severe depressive, manic, and/or mixed episodes.

Getting Help

Anyone with bipolar disorder should be under the care of a psychiatrist skilled in the diagnosis and treatment of the disease. People with the illness may need assistance in seeking help due to these factors:

• They often do not realize how impaired they are, or blame the problem on other causes.
• They may need encouragement from family and friends in order to get help.

Someone in the midst of a severe episode may need to be hospitalized for his/her own protection, possibly against his/her wishes. 

How to Tell if Your Child is the Target of Bullying

Recently, we posted an entry on how to help your child if they're being bullied, but it's not always easy to tell if someone is a target of bullying.  Most children are embarrassed or are afraid of making things worse.  They're worried about retaliation or being seen as weak.  Often times they will deny or hide it, but there are signs to be noticed.

• Unexplained or reoccurring marks and bruises
• Loss of toys, school items, money or other property
• Doesn't want to go to school or be around others
• Afraid of riding the bus
• Unusually attached and doesn't want to be left alone
• Withdrawn and evasive
• Change in behavior or personality
• Depressed, moody, or upset without seemingly any reason
• Frequent headaches, stomach pains, or misses school for sick days
• Sudden change in sleeping and eating habbits
• Bullies younger children or siblings
• Avoids school bathrooms or anywhere else without adult supervision
• Abruptly fewer friends
• Extremely hungry when they get home due to food or money being taken
• Unexplained drop in grades
• Says they feel helpless

If you do suspect your child is being bullied, let them know you're open to talking with them and that you won't get mad if they tell you something.  Sometimes children don't feel that they'll be believed so it is important that you let them know you are there to support them.  Also, talk to your child's friends, teachers and anyone else who might have an idea of what's going on, including your child's friends' parents.  Other people may notice something and be able to help, maybe even want to help.  The most important thing is to make sure your child knows they are not alone.

Source:  http://www.micheleborba.com/

Types of Manipulators

This past week, Drew Peterson was found guilty after 14 hours of deliberation of killing his third wife, Kathleen Savio.  For Kathleen's family, there was little doubt something malicious had happened, yet for years her death had been ruled to be an accident.  It wasn't until Peterson's fourth wife, Stacy Peterson, disappeared in 2007 that authorities re-examined the case.

Through the course of the trial, a portrait was painted of the unhealthy relationship Kathleen had with Peterson.  They had filed for divorce after it had been discovered that Peterson was having an affair a 17-year-old, who would become his fourth wife.  Police reports show 18 separate responses for domestic fights.  Her family has said they felt something was wrong by the way Kathleen acted when he was around, showing signs of manipulation.

Emotional grooming and manipulation are commonly found in unhealthy relationships.  One partner, in these situations, will manipulate the feelings and emotions of their partner in a relationship as well as other people in their lives.  They look for what people need or like and fake being able to fulfill those needs, tricking someone into being in love with them.  They also seek to create a desired emotional reaction in others, whether it be anger, depression, joy, whatever it takes to get them what they want.  They also use emotional blackmail through threats of fear or through guilt.

These manipulators can be viewed as types based on the strategies they employ:

Constant Victim:  these are people who tell one-sided stories, are never in the wrong, and try to manipulate others to anger in their defense.

One-Upper:  the One-Upper needs to be the top.  They're the types who always have the better/tougher/worse story than you to share.

Powerful Dependent:  this strategy is to play weak and stroke the ego of others, getting them do do things for them to take care of them.  They are also quick to lash out against those who don't fall for their trick.

Triangulator:  these people will play your best friend, praising you and turning you against others while doing exactly the same with the other side, looking to stir up a fight.

Blasters:  Blasters are like the name says.  They are quick to blast you with angry rants, intimidating others with fear.

Projector:  a tactic where one person puts blame and guilt on another, blaming others for being the problem rather than themselves.

Intentional Mis-Interpreter:  a person who intentionally misleads others with partial truths and lies to ruin the reputations of others.  They like to gossip while manipulating the details.

The Flirt:  someone who needs the attention of everyone in the room and uses flirtation to control others.

Intimidator:  these people are quick to use force and threats to scare someone into doing what they want.

Multiple Offender:  the most common type, the Multiple Offender uses a mix of strategies from the other types of manipulators, using whatever tactics will get them what they need.

These are only brief descriptions, and each type could be described in length, but I'm sure many people can be reminded of someone they know when looking through these types.  Although someone may show some signs of fitting into one of these types, it's important to remember that a healthy relationship requires work.  By recognizing that a relationship is about balance and compromise, people can avoid falling into the role of a manipulator.

How to Help Your Child with Bullying

With a new school year beginning, many students are dreading a return to the lockered halls of youth.  For them, school is a place full of torment where they will be locked in with bullies for hours a day, desperately searching for an escape.

Often times, children don’t tell anyone they are being bullied.  They want to protect their parents from knowing something is going on, that they are unhappy.  They also don’t want their parents involved; fearing involvement from adults could only make things worse.  But what they don’t realize is adults can help in more ways than taking over the fight and complaining to the bully’s parents or teachers.

Find new activities.  One of the ways a bully will select a target is to look for someone without many friends and low confidence.  By enrolling in new activities, especially ones with kids your child wouldn’t be in school with, children have the opportunity to make new friends free of the history carried from years of school.  It’s a fresh start.  The new friends will give your child a support system and the confidence to go to school without the isolation that comes from being bullied.  Having friends outside of school shows them there is a world beyond those walls, decreasing loneliness, and the built up self-esteem makes them less likely a target.

Make sure they know it’s not their fault.  Many people, including kids, feel that bullying is caused because someone is different.  The difference is just the excuse selected by the bully to show their power to other students.  Bullies are looking to show their place in the school hierarchy.  That’s why they find targets that have only a few friends and not likely to fight back.  It’s not about the victim, but showing where they stand.  Recent studies have shown 80% of people have been a victim of bullying and 70% of people have bullied.  It’s all about showing where they fit in that ladder of who bullies who and who gets bullied by who.

Brainstorm solutions with your child.  Telling your child “all you have to do is…” will only make them feel worse if that’s something they’ve already tried.  Instead of telling them what they have to do, have a discussion with them to think of things they could do.  It allows them to stop trying strategies that didn’t work without feeling like they failed and it leads to better solutions than their initial reaction.

Stop the bullying from happening again.  Okay, this is the time where it’s okay to seem like the “nosy parent.”  Talk to teachers, coaches, staff, whoever is in charge where the bullying is taking place.  Let them know what’s happening so they can intervene.  I sometimes hear “I have 20 kids to look after.  I can’t focus on just one.”  True, there may be plenty of kids, but there is probably only a handful that they really need to keep an eye on while the others are well behaved.  If the ones they always have to monitor are the ones who are the bullies, it should be even easier to keep tabs on things.  If you can’t change the environment though, you can always remove them from the environment.  You either get the bully away from your child or you get your child away from the bully.

These are only some of the tactics to help someone who is being bullied and unfortunately there is no single tactic.  Don’t be afraid to try new strategies, no matter how simple they may seem.  The important thing to remember is bullying isn’t about who the victim is, but the bully wanting to show power and control.  Your child shouldn’t change who they are because of that.

Rep. Akin is not alone.

Rep. Todd Akin started a firestorm last week that blazed around the world.  His comments of "legitimate rape" rarely resulting in pregnancy, and if so, the female body having a way of shutting down the pregnancy have brought the ire down from both sides of the political aisle.  He has since apologized, claiming to have misspoken and tried to clarify his statement.  Many people have been shocked, disgusted, and disturbed by his comments and in disbelief that anyone could possibly think that.  In my five years of sexual violence prevention, all I had to say was "Yeah, they're out there."

 Rep. Akin's statement to me was like peeking behind the curtain of a magic show.  Behind all the glamor and flash we saw the tricks and deception and found there was no magic.  It's a belief that still clings on like dusty cobwebs as society moves forward, this idea that a "legitimate rape" is a rare occurrence; that women cry rape to cover promiscuous behavior or out of vindictive spite.  It's a hold-over way of thinking from the days when "rule of thumb," where a husband could beat his wife with a stick no wider than his thumb, could still be found on the books and that a wife could never deny her husband sex.  But much like racism, this sexist attitude still lingers.   How can something that has created such an uproar have survived to this day?  The answer is simple.

Denial.  Not denial that there is a problem.  If we have seen anything in the passed week, it is that many agree this is a problem.  No, the denial is with those who hold onto the belief.  When I speak on prevention, encouraging healthy masculinity and showing how strength isn't what you can take, but how much you can give, I've found people who will argue on "what is rape?"  They claim there's nothing wrong with giving a girl a few drinks to "loosen her up."  They don't believe a woman can change her mind on sex.  They justify their behavior by claiming "everybody does it."  They argue so strongly on these grounds because, I suspect, admitting these things are wrong would mean they've done some wrong things.

People hate rape.  There is no question about that.  You can ask anyone and you would never get the response of "Rape?  Yeah, I guess it's alright."  Everybody knows rape is bad.  That is why people will argue on the grounds of entitlement or against an act like getting a girl drunk as being rape.  The idea of "legitimate rape" has survived because there are people who are afraid they won't like what they see when they look in the mirror.  So they discredit victims, claim they are crazy, and hide behind defenders saying "they would never do something like that.  They're not that type of person."

So what do we do?  We believe victims.  We hold assailants accountable for their actions.  We don't dismiss behavior as "boys being boys."  These ideas survive because we allow them to.  They have been passed down for generations as simple comments and attitudes, things that "never crossed the line."  But if we don't do anything about it then, why are we so shocked to hear Akin's comments.

Why Victims Need to be Believed

 Being attacked is a traumatizing experience, especially when there is seemingly no reason for the attack.  Charlie Rogers reported to police that she had been assaulted in her home by three masked men.  The men beat her, tied her up, and carved anti-gay slurs into her arm and abdomen.  Afterwards, they vandalized her home by spraying more slurs onto the walls and tried to set it on fire.  She believes she had been targeted because she is a lesbian.

The police are investigating the attack as a hate crime, but have yet to come up with any suspect.  This has led some to start speculating she made up the attack, victimizing Charlie again and causing further emotional damage.

For many victims, especially those of sexual assault, the most important thing anyone can do for them is support them by believing them.  Their minds are already full of doubts, searching for answers to questions like "why me?"  Often times they will begin to think it was something they did to cause it, which is affirmed by someone's disbelief in their story.  It's as if saying to the victim "you brought this on yourself because there is no other reason why anyone would do such a thing."

The truth is when someone acts, they choose their own actions.  Whether it is performance of benevolence or malice, that person chose how they would behave.  Rules, laws, and morality may serve as guidelines, but ultimately the responsibility for any act falls upon the one who committed it.

When we believe in victims, we help them find the first steps toward recovery, by regaining control in their lives.  We show them they don't have to stand alone, that there is someone willing to support them.  Believing the victim also tells the perpetrator that we will not accept their behavior nor just look away.

Besides, with the time it takes to file a report, going through a medical exam, and all the other frustrations when reporting a crime, why would anybody go through all that over a lie?

Talking to Kids about School Anxiety

Most children experience some fears and anxiety as each new school year begins. They worry they won't be able to read fast enough, and fret that older, popular kids will think they're geeks and bully them.

Your children may be silent about their back-to-school fears, but that doesn't mean they're anxiety-free. Kids may be reluctant to share with you their thoughts of impending confusion and embarrassment. Many times a child’s anxiety can come out in other ways such as stressing about small things around the house, moving things around in their room, and increase arguing with siblings. A supportive family conversation about these feelings can be reassuring. Here are some open ended questions that you can ask your kids to help through difficult transitions.

Kindergarten

Question: "Have you been thinking about what you're going to learn in kindergarten?"

Why Ask? Kids about to enter kindergarten often have unrealistic expectations about what they'll need to learn right away. And your child may also be discouraged to find that some of his new classmates' skills are more advanced than his.

Describe to your child what he'll learn in kindergarten, and explain that no one expects him to learn it all over night. Your child's realistic expectations about kindergarten will help prevent initial disappointment and stress.

Elementary School

Question: "Have you been wondering if Miss McCarthy will be a nice teacher?"

Why Ask? Your child has a frame of reference to compare teachers. Based on his relationship with his teacher last year, your child is either hoping for someone just like her or the total opposite. Relate any positive interactions that you and your acquaintances have had with this teacher: "I've seen her playing with her dog in the park, and she seems energetic and friendly," or "Jimmy's mom said Miss McCarthy was always kind to him and helped him do his best."

Question: "Have any other older kids told you about what “4^th grade” is like?"

Why Ask? Older kids sometimes delight in telling frightening stories to younger children. These kids try to speak with the voice of authority and may say things like: "They don't ever let you go to the bathroom!" and "You've got Mrs. Peterson? She is very strict and yells a lot."

You can use these “war stories” to try to explain that every student has a different experience with teachers. It is also important to let kids know that sometimes other children don’t always tell the truth and many times exaggerate the truth to get attention. 

Middle School

Question: "What worries your friends most about starting middle school?”

Why Ask? At this age and stage of development, asking about your new middler's friends' anxieties, instead of their own, may be the best way to open up discussion. Your child will indirectly work his own concerns into his responses, and may disguise his own worries as his friends'.

Your child has most likely heard tales about fighting in the corridors and kids being locked in their lockers. Going to school with older, bigger teens is a frightening experience for most fifth, sixth, and seventh graders. Don't dismiss your kid's fears -- they're probably based more on fact than fiction. Troubleshooting how her "friends" can feel safer in this new, intimidating world can provide her with much needed reassurance and support.

Question: "Have you worked out a backup plan if you forget your locker combination?"

Why Ask?  According to student surveys conducted by the National Council of Middle Schools, locked lockers are new middlers' biggest fear. Kids are very anxious about feeling humiliated in front of upperclassmen as they struggle to open their lockers. Have your kids practice using a combination lock at home, and brainstorm two different backup places to store their written combination and lock instructions.

High School

Question: "I wonder what the biggest challenge is these days with starting high school?"

Why Ask? An open-ended question lets your teen think they are the expert on high school today. High school has changed, but the anxiety surrounding it still exists. Every child is unique and different so the answer to this question can vary. Some students worry about fitting in, others are more concerned about getting lost or the school work. Talk this over with your teen and share with them some of your own anxiety back when you went to high school.

Triumph over Abuse

Kayla Harrison is the first American to even a gold medal in judo at the Olympics, but that isn't her only triumph.  While many praise Michael Phelps and his record setting number of medals or the blow-out wins by the Dream Team, Kayla has been recognized not only for her monumental achievement of bringing home the first gold for USA ever in the sport, but also for overcoming the trauma of sexual assault.

Kayla was only 13 years old when her coach at the time first sexually assaulted her.  She reported the abuse when she was 16 and thankfully, her perpetrator is now serving 10 years in prison.  But the sentencing of an attacker isn't like flipping a switch and making everything better.  She described in her journal feelings of depression and anguish.  She even considered quitting judo as many would have, not wanting to be reminded of the trauma.

But Kayla didn't quit.  She persevered,  getting a new coach and going on to win championships.  She described her outlook as “You get to the point where you decide that you don’t want to be a victim anymore and that you’re not going to live your life like that."  She has shown the world there is still life after the trauma and to those who haven't experienced sexual assault, she has shown them that survivors are not weak.  Many times victims have had to carry a stigma of being "damaged," but Kayla Harrison has shown that survivors can not only move on from the trauma, they can triumph.

The Power of Misinformation

One of the largest hurdles facing sexual assault prevention is a number of sources out there providing the wrong information.  It comes as false facts, such as rapists target women with pony tails because they're easier to grab or women in dresses because they're easier to undress.  It comes as misleading definitions of rape, saying someone is only sexually assaulted if they say they were and denying that coercion with alcohol or drugs should be considered rape, even though the victim didn't want to have sex.  It also comes as the stereotypical attacker in the night who grabs people in parking lots and takes them away in their white vans.

Why are these tales continued to be told even though there are hundreds of credible sources out there that have facts to prove otherwise?  Because people get something from them.  Misinformation helps market fear to sell products and services like guns, pepper spray, and self defense classes, but what good is a gun against the moral struggle about a sexually abusive family member?  Misinformation creates a false sense of security, having victims think that if they have short hair, wear pants, and aren't women they'll be okay, but what then for all those male victims out there?  Misinformation eases a conscience by saying drunken hook-ups are just a part of the scene, but what then about those who didn't know what was happening?

Perhaps the most damaging aspect of misinformation is it misleads prevention efforts.  It makes people focus on an attack from strangers, when 3 out of every 4 rapes are committed by someone the victim knows.  It lies to people, saying rape is a crime of opportunity by sexed crazed deviants when in truth it is about the attacker expressing power and control over their victim.  It also puts the blame on victims, telling them since they couldn't fight their attacker off, the rape was their fault.

So the next time you get emailed a chain letter or flyer offering "helpful safety tips," remember that real prevention addresses attitudes and cultures supporting rape, reducing perpetrators to reduce victims.

Source:  rainn.org

Erin's Law: Requiring Schools to Teach Prevention

Erin's Law, already adopted in some states and being considered in more, would require school districts to teach children, parents, and their staff about warning signs for sexual abuse.  In Michigan, it is a collection of bills which would set in place a task force which would make recommendations for school boards and is receiving bi-partisan support.  Named for Erin Merryn, a survivor of sexual abuse by a family member when she was in high school, her advocacy has lead to the law already being adopted in Illinois, Indiana, Maine, and Missouri.

Some would question the need for this kind of education in schools though.  Opposition would argue that these are lessons that should be taught by parents, especially with younger children, or that teachers should be focusing on "more important" things to help a child find a career.

But the reason why Erin's Law is so important is because a liassez-fiare attitude toward prevention education hasn't helped.  1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men are sexually abused in their lifetime, most even before they turn 18 years old.  Any sexual assault is too many, but these statistics are staggering.  Not only can prevention education equip people with skills so they won't become victims, but it will also equip people with knowledge to reduce perpetrator behavior, which is ultimately where any rape begins.

Another reason for the law is some parents may not know how to approach talking to their children about sexual abuse.  Rape is an uncomfortable topic for a lot of people and requires a finesse with any audience, let alone kids.  Having trained staff in schools will help to make sure the children learn about sexual abuse in an appropriate way so then can be safe.  It also helps to ensure children receive the correct information on sexual assault, reducing their chances of being victimized.

Another advantage to having prevention skills being taught in schools is most parents probably wouldn't take their child to a sexual assault center for a presentation.  Instead, trained experts can come to the schools and talk to the children there, making it less uncomfortable for the child.  These professionals have experience with discussing sexual abuse and can make sure it is presented in a way the child understands without being frightened, just like our Prevention Coordinator at the Sexual Assault Center of Child and Family Services.

Erin's Law doesn't seem to have much opposition from legislators and will hopefully become a law in Michigan, making our schools an even safer place for our children.  If you'd like more information on what kind of sessions are available for children, contact Ash Christians, our Prevention Coordinator, at achristians@sac-saginaw.org.

The Price of Ignorance

This past Thursday saw the release of Penn State's independent inquiry on the handling of allegations against Jerry Sandusky, who was convicted last month of 47 charges relating to sexual assault.  You can read all 267 pages of the report here but the main take-away is former Athletic Director Tim Curley, ex-Vice President Gary Schultz, former president Graham Spencer, and former head football coach Joe Paterno conspired together to conceal the allegations against Jerry Sandusky.  The report has left a maelstrom of controversy and debate surrounding the university.

Attorneys for Curley and Schultz claim the report is lopsided and have continued to state they acted appropriately on what they knew.  However, the report cites among over 430 interviews that a janitor who witnessed one of the rapes said he was afraid to report it to police because it meant he would have been fired.  He said "football runs this university" and if Joe Paterno, who Jerry Sandusky worked under, didn't like someone, they would be gone.

The report also shows how these four top officials made no effort to mention a criminal investigation into Sandusky to the Board of Trustees from charges in 1998 and 1999.  None of these four, Paterno even having an office just feet from Sandusky's, made an effort to discuss Sandusky's conduct with him nor prevent him from bringing children onto campus.

Whether or not these men knew the extent of the truth is still up for debate, but what is evident is they did not want to know.  Joe Paterno passed away in January, leaving his family to issue a response to the report, but before passing had admitted that he wished he had done more.  His family defended him, saying he reported what he had been told and had left it up to higher administration to "do their jobs."  If true, this is still concerning considering there was no follow-through by him on an employee under his supervision.  One would think it reasonable that if a supervisor had an employee under an investigation, they would have an interest in the outcome of that investigation.  This "pass the buck" attitude shows that even if Paterno didn't know what was going on with Sandusky, he didn't want to know.

So then what is the price of ignorance?  Eight known victims of sexual abuse, the tarnished career of a hall of fame coach, pending charges against the university's top officials, and an immeasurable amount of damage to Penn State University's reputation among others.  All of this occurred because people decided they would be happier not knowing.  That's why victims need to be believed, regardless of a person's standing, reputation, or negative publicity.  How much of this could have been avoided if only people had believed the victims and were willing to put them ahead of a reputation?

Does Media Affect Us?

There has been a debate raging on for decades now, an argument that believe it or not, would affect each and every one of us.  Does media affect us?

Unfortunately, the answer is a gray, blurry “sort of.”  Studies have gone on for years trying to determine the effects of violent movies, TV, and video games with no clear determination of an answer.  Some argue that clearly violent media creates an immediate increase in violent behavior, while studies like those in the book Grand Theft Childhood explain it as only a short term effect, when it has shown to have one, lasting as short as a few hours.  It always comes down to a chicken or the egg type of question.  Does violent media make people violent or are violent people drawn to violent media?

What has been proven true though is how media affects our perceptions.  When the news is filled with bleak and depressing stories, it creates the idea in a viewer that everything is wrong in the world.  Our perceptions are affected in other ways as well.  Think of people you may know who become obsessed with medical dramas like Grey’s Anatomy or House.  Do they sometimes act like a medical guru, putting their seasons of study to practical use, repeating diagnoses they’ve witnessed on their shows?  A few years ago a study was done to determine which show was the most medically accurate.  The winner:  House with 30%.  That’s right, the most accurate medical knowledge of a TV medical drama was accurate only 30% of the time.  Still feel safe with that friend’s diagnosis?

Now nobody’s going to let someone perform open heart surgery, no matter how many times they’ve watched their DVDs of all the seasons of ER.  Where this becomes a problem though is when you introduce ideas of sexism and racism.  What message does it send if a cop drama is always arresting African Americans, or if in a drama the woman boss is mean, manipulative, and heartless while the girl intern is stumbling through life waiting to be rescued by a future boyfriend?

When I was young, TV told me Hispanic people were members of drug cartels and bikers were cool bounty hunters.  It wasn’t until I had more influences in the world to see the much bigger picture.  The truth is media does affect our perceptions and our perceptions are our reality.  If we always see bad news our world becomes a bad place.  Inaccurate perceptions create an inaccurate reality.  Women become trophies, minorities become criminals, and violence becomes the answer for every problem.

There is a light in all of this though.  With awareness, we can enjoy whatever media we like without having it influence our behavior.  It can be reduced down to the escapism it was meant to be while we sit back and enjoy the show.  Take the time to learn more outside of what’s presented to you.  Talk with your kids about what they’re watching so they can get life’s answers from you, rather than the TV, and they can be above its influence.

Understand Your Child's Technology

McAfee, the computer security company, recently conducted a study involving children’s computer activity.  Among many of the things they found and posted on their blog, perhaps the most alarming is 71% of teens hide their online activity from their parents, up from only 45% in 2010.  Meanwhile, 45% of parents believe their kids tell them everything, so there is a large gap of parents who believe they know what their child is doing while the child is hiding what they're doing.  Perhaps the scariest of the results is 12% of teens meeting someone in person that they met online.  

There are programs out there that allow you to spy on your kids while they use the computer, but this can create more problems than you might already have.  For starters, if your child is already more tech savvy than you, there's a good chance they will be able to detect the spying program and possibly even deactivate it.  It creates a feeling of betrayal and mistrust.  One of the tactics of internet predators is to drive a wedge between a teen and their parent, to create more trust in them than they have in you.  Once that happens, it becomes easier to negotiate an in-person meeting.  It also closes down lines of communication you could be using to make sure your child is safe.  Instead, you want to build a foundation of trust with your child, that way they know they can come to you when they have a problem.

One of the things you can do is take the time to have at least a base understanding of what they're doing.  You don't need to be actively using Facebook or any other social network, but try to be a bit familiar with it.  Many parents will have their child accept a friend request, but they may not know that the child can also block their parent from seeing posts.  Treat it as you would any other social interaction with your child.  You wouldn't hover over them when they have friends over so you shouldn't comment on every post they make online.  Even if you don't use Facebook often, check in from time to time to see if anything has changed.  Social networks like Google+ have incorporated video chats now as well so the interactions your child can have online are expanding.

If all else fails, simply ask them.  Predators take the time to get to know your kids so you should too..  If you don't take the time to build a foundation of trust and communication between you and them, you're not going to get anything.