Types of Manipulators

This past week, Drew Peterson was found guilty after 14 hours of deliberation of killing his third wife, Kathleen Savio.  For Kathleen's family, there was little doubt something malicious had happened, yet for years her death had been ruled to be an accident.  It wasn't until Peterson's fourth wife, Stacy Peterson, disappeared in 2007 that authorities re-examined the case.

Through the course of the trial, a portrait was painted of the unhealthy relationship Kathleen had with Peterson.  They had filed for divorce after it had been discovered that Peterson was having an affair a 17-year-old, who would become his fourth wife.  Police reports show 18 separate responses for domestic fights.  Her family has said they felt something was wrong by the way Kathleen acted when he was around, showing signs of manipulation.

Emotional grooming and manipulation are commonly found in unhealthy relationships.  One partner, in these situations, will manipulate the feelings and emotions of their partner in a relationship as well as other people in their lives.  They look for what people need or like and fake being able to fulfill those needs, tricking someone into being in love with them.  They also seek to create a desired emotional reaction in others, whether it be anger, depression, joy, whatever it takes to get them what they want.  They also use emotional blackmail through threats of fear or through guilt.

These manipulators can be viewed as types based on the strategies they employ:

Constant Victim:  these are people who tell one-sided stories, are never in the wrong, and try to manipulate others to anger in their defense.

One-Upper:  the One-Upper needs to be the top.  They're the types who always have the better/tougher/worse story than you to share.

Powerful Dependent:  this strategy is to play weak and stroke the ego of others, getting them do do things for them to take care of them.  They are also quick to lash out against those who don't fall for their trick.

Triangulator:  these people will play your best friend, praising you and turning you against others while doing exactly the same with the other side, looking to stir up a fight.

Blasters:  Blasters are like the name says.  They are quick to blast you with angry rants, intimidating others with fear.

Projector:  a tactic where one person puts blame and guilt on another, blaming others for being the problem rather than themselves.

Intentional Mis-Interpreter:  a person who intentionally misleads others with partial truths and lies to ruin the reputations of others.  They like to gossip while manipulating the details.

The Flirt:  someone who needs the attention of everyone in the room and uses flirtation to control others.

Intimidator:  these people are quick to use force and threats to scare someone into doing what they want.

Multiple Offender:  the most common type, the Multiple Offender uses a mix of strategies from the other types of manipulators, using whatever tactics will get them what they need.

These are only brief descriptions, and each type could be described in length, but I'm sure many people can be reminded of someone they know when looking through these types.  Although someone may show some signs of fitting into one of these types, it's important to remember that a healthy relationship requires work.  By recognizing that a relationship is about balance and compromise, people can avoid falling into the role of a manipulator.