How Sexual Abuse has Affected Youth Sports

It's been a while since the media has covered the allegations against Jerry Sandusky but the passing of Joe Paterno has also reminded us of the controversy.  As the attention fades away, replaced by the next controversy, we can't forget the lessons that can be learned from it.  I've often heard comments like "the world is crazy now" and "this stuff never used to happen."  Sexual abuse in coaching is nothing new.  Many successful athletes like Margaret Hoelzer, Theo Fleury, and Sheldon Kennedy have all come forward and revealed a history of abuse.  So what has changed?  Why are we hearing about it now?

Two important things have changed.  The first is that victims are treated differently.  Before, there was a fear for survivors that they would be blamed, ridiculed, or even not believed.  Sadly, those fears weren't unwarranted.  If sexual abuse didn't fit the text book ideal of what rape was, then it must not have happened.  The common belief was victims were always women and abusers were always creepy loners with vans and mustaches.  These predators were supposed to be someone nobody liked or got along with because they were evil to the very core.  Someone you just knew was bad.  Unfortunately that couldn't be further from the truth.  They are sometimes friends, neighbors, coaches, and family members.  They want to be liked.  That's how they get away with it.  Too many people are misled by believing "it couldn't be your neighbor of 15 years; he always mows your lawn when you're on vacation and is just a nice guy" or "it couldn't be the little league coach; he's always so good with the kids".

Then there's the belief that things like that don't happen here.  Sexual assault is a city problem.  That's what people in Hinsdale, IL thought before Robert Mueller, a former basketball coach, was convicted of having sexual relationships with two female students.  The idea of "we're a small community and we don't have those kind of people here" actually attracts sexual predators.  Just as offenders pay attention to which states have the easier laws for their sex offender registry, they also pay attention to what communities they will likely be noticed in.  It is the very definition of ignorance is bliss.

But that brings us to the second thing that has changed.  People are more open to victims now.  They are willing to believe that anyone is could be an abuser.  The more open and understanding we become, the better our chances are of preventing sexual abuse.  Survivors feel safer to come forward and predators can be stopped before a controversy breaks with a long list of victims.

We can also accept the idea that sexual abuse can happen here, but we're not going to let it.   The first step to combat sexual abuse in sports is to have policies and trainings in place on mandatory reporting and proper conduct.  A coach wrapping his arms around a batter to help practice a swing may have completely innocent intentions, but how does it appear?  It is something some abusers have used to blur boundaries with children.  It's not always safe to just rely on people having common sense either.  We develop common sense from life experiences, and those experiences come with mistakes.  By having trainings for coaches, those mistakes can be avoided.  By parents and coaches watching each other, we can all work together to protect children.

If you have questions or are interested in any trainings for teaching or coaching staff, sexual assault and harassment policies, please contact Ash Christians at the Sexual Assault Center of Child and Family Services by calling 989-790-7500 ext. 226 or emailing achristians@sac-saginaw.org.

Teenage Girls Diagnosed with Mass Hysteria

As the story continues to unfold, more and more students in LeRoy, New York are coming forward suffering symptoms similar to Tourette's.  The students, mostly female, have been plagued with ticks and outbursts for months now without any sign of what could be causing it.  Although some people like HLN's Dr. Drew Pinsky and Erin Brockovich have been pushing for further testing for environmental factors, a doctor who has been treating some of the students has announced a diagnosis of mass hysteria.  So what exactly is mass hysteria?  I went to Child and Family Services' Counseling Center Director, Mark Abbenante to learn more.

Mass hysteria is a psychogenic illness created by large amounts of anxiety or stress which Freud called a conversion disorder.  Basically, if we are being stressed out by work, kids, or a hectic schedule, it starts to take a toll on our body.  Have you ever had a long day where you come home with sore shoulders or a headache?  That can be the stress showing up physically.  Sure, there are ways to treat the symptoms like pain relievers or a massage, but without treating the cause of the pain they will just come back again.  To really stop the symptoms you need to find the cause.

Mass hysteria has usually occured where people are closely associated, typically with adolescent girls in schools.  Those afflicted by it will show similar symptoms, such as fainting, ticks, or difficulty breathing.  In an outbreak in Portugal back in 2006, as many as 300 students across 14 different schools presented symptoms of a fictional virus shown on the television show Strawberries with Sugar.  After no cause could be identified, the incident was diagnosed as mass hysteria.

I asked Mark how would he treat someone suffering from mass hysteria.  Once a client has received a medical evaluation diagnosing mass hysteria the psychological treatment can begin.  Mark said the first part of the counseling would be to identify the stressor.  He would have them think back to prior weeks, looking for a cause they maybe didn't realize like something at work, bullying, or a bad grade.  Once the stress can be treated, it is likely the physical symptoms will disappear.

The Sundance Film Festival Sheds Light on Rape in the Military

A recently released report by the Defense Department has shown reported sexual assaults in military academies are on the rise.  Like many statistics on crime it's possible to interpret these findings from two different sides.  On one hand, it can be viewed that more and more rapes are occurring in the United States' military academies.  On the other, many people are seeing it as a sign that students are more willing to come forward and report the rape, demonstrating a changing attitude on sexual assault in the military.

Last week though, a documentary shown at the Sundance Film Festival displayed the hardships many victims have faced from not only the initial assault but also with trying to report it within the military.  "Invisible War" is a film detailing the epidemic of sexual assault that has been plaguing the United States Armed Forces.  With the military might of 1.5 million troops, shocking statistics are brought to light by the documentary.  1 in 5 servicewomen have been a victim of sexual assault and 1 in 100 servicemen.

Even more shocking is their path to find justice.  If a victim wishes to report their attack, they must do so to their commanding officer, who in some cases is the attacker.  If the commander chooses to investigate, regardless of the findings or how solid of a case it may be, the commander can choose not to proceed with a court martial.  This process has resulted in only 8% of sexual assaults being prosecuted in 2009.  On top of it being almost impossible for victims to have their cases even heard, many victims have also experienced further trauma by having their careers halted, even disciplinary action against them, because of reporting the assault.

The purpose of the film is not to slam the military, but show the justice process needs to be revamped.  Many critics have suggested the cases be conducted by civilian courts, rather than instituting a brand new structure that would need to be created.

What is encouraging though is the help available to the servicemen and women who are victims of sexual assault.  Organizations like the Military Rape Crisis Center help bring attention to the issue and survivors who have been victimized while in the military are just as eligible as anyone to use the free services of Child and Family Services' Sexual Assault Center.  To contact us for information and services, please call 989-790-7500 or our crisis line at 989-790-9118.

Sources:  http://militaryrapecrisiscenter.org;

How EQ Can Help You Achieve Success

Over the past 25 years the concept of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) has been gaining popularity among professionals seeking the key to greater success.  EQ has proven to be more than just an interesting idea.  Research has demonstrated that one's personal and professional success is determined by one's EQ to a greater degree than one's Intelligence Quotient (IQ).  In a nutshell, intelligence and technical skills can only take you so far.  The skills that take us to the next level are related to such things as emotional understanding, relationship building and self control.

There are countless examples of professionals who are "brilliant" and highly skilled in their field and who attain a measure of success but fail to reach their full potential because they lack strong EQ skills.  EQ is something thought of as a "soft skill", but the skills that define emotional intelligence are solid, definable and essential to navigate successfully through life.  Consider how important it is to read others well, to understand and control one's own feelings, to think clearly under pressure and to practice good decision making.

The most exciting thing about EQ is that we all have the capacity to develop and enhance the skills that encompass EQ.  We may not be able to improve our IQ, however through conscious effort, we can develop a higher EQ.

To learn more about Emotional Intelligence and how to develop the EQ skills critical to greater success, consider checking out a book on the topic  If you're interested in developing the skills necessary to take you to the next level, contact Pam Mays at 989-790-7500 for information about how to accurately assess your EQ skills and obtain coaching to enhance your EQ.

FBI Updates Their Definition of Rape After Over 80 Years

For many states, the Federal government has often been looked to set the standards, especially when it comes to legal definitions of crimes.  That's why it became a big deal recently when the FBI decided to rewrite their definition of rape.  When was the last definition written?  1927.

So what changed?  For starters, the original definition defined rape only as a crime against a female.  Males have not been included in the definition since the law was written, even though 2.78 million men in the United States have been sexually assaulted or raped.  That means 1 in 33 men will experience an attempted or completed sexual assault in their life.  For many of these victims, as seen with the Jerry Sandusky allegations, the victimization occurred when they were a child or teenager, but that doesn't mean an adult male can't be the victim of rape.

The sexual assault of men is grossly under-reported for many reasons.  Men and boys are told they are supposed to be tough, strong, and able to defend themselves.  They're afraid of being seen as weak or helpless if they admit to being a victim.  Their sexuality may even become an issue or possibly questioned.  There's also a fear of whether or not they'd be taken seriously if they report.  The truth is rape is rape, regardless of a victim's gender or age.

The other significant change to the definition is the previous requirement of resistance by the victim.  Before the change, if a woman did not physically resist the assailant, it would not be considered rape.  The new update brings the definition up to speed with other sexual assault laws in understanding the role coercion plays in rape.  If a victim is threatened, drugged, or drunk they are less likely to be able to physically resist a rapist, but fear alone can be enough for a victim.  A victim may fear harm to her/himself or to someone else they care about if they resist.

By updating their definition of rape, the FBI has taken a stand for victim's rights.  They have shown a more contemporary view of sexual assault and can set a standard for other laws on sexual assault which aren't up to date.

New Year's Resolution: Reduce that Mental Weight

The ball has dropped.  The last of the holiday cookies are gone.  It's time to get to work on those New Year's Resolutions.  First on the list for many people is to lose weight, especially those new pounds brought on by the cookies.  Don't forget about that mental weight though.  The craziness of the holidays are behind us but you may still be feeling the lingering stress they brought with them, the headaches and fatigue hanging out in your brain's closet like that ugly Christmas sweater you somehow can't get rid of.  It's a new year and it's time to lose that emotional weight.

Cut the Stress Calories
Like any diet, a mental weight loss diet starts with identifying where the stress comes from.  There are the obvious culprits like work deadlines and bills with the added seasonal stress of getting back into routine.  But there are little moments of stress that might be overlooked.  Take the time to look at how you think of the stressors in your life.  Do you explain them away as being temporary, like "Once the holidays are over everything will be fine?"  Do you justify them as just part of how things are, such as "If it was fun they wouldn't call it work?"  Do you blame the stress on others, like "the kids are really stressing me out?"  Don't forget you also play a role in all of these stressors.

How do you find out what your stressors are?  Try keeping a stress journal.  Every time you feel stressed write down what caused the stress.  Take note about how it made you feel both physically and emotionally.  Make sure to recognize how you responded to the stress.  Sometimes how we react only builds on our feelings of being overwhelmed.  Finally, write down what made you feel better afterward.  Doing all of these will help you find the big causes of stress in your life and how you cope with them.

Stress Exercise
Just like any weight loss plan has a work out, so does stress weight loss.  It is how you cope with stress.  But just like with exercise, some coping methods do more harm than good.  Some of these include things like eating, smoking, drinking, or taking your frustration out on others.  Make sure the way you deal with stress not only makes you feel better but is also better for you.  Make sure you get enough sleep, exercise, and learn how to tell people "no."

One way of dealing with stress is to follow the Four A's:

• Avoid
• Alter
• Adapt
• Accept

Avoid whatever causes you stress if you can.  If it's caused by being late, try waking up 15 minutes earlier so you have that extra time.  Get things ready ahead of time so you don't have to scramble for them.  Stay away from people that can easily make you angry.


Alter the stressor so it doesn't create as much stress.  Be willing to compromise or change the environment so you feel more relaxed.  If your life feels cluttered, choose one thing to organize and take control, whether it be a desk drawer, a kitchen cabinet, or the back seat or your car.  Having that little space where you know where everything is can help keep you more organized and may reduce your stress.


Adapt yourself so you can take more control of the situation.  Look at a long wait as a chance to have some quiet time to yourself or listen to music.  Learn to see the big picture and maybe what seemed like such an epic event won't be such a big deal anymore.


Accept that sometimes things are the way they are.  Some things are beyond our control.  We can't control traffic or other people.  Adapt to the situation however you can but don't worry if it's something you can't control.

Finally, just like every workout gives your body time to relax, make sure you give yourself that time too.  Find something you can do every day that you enjoy and remember to laugh.  Research has shown laughter has many physical and emotional benefits so find some room for humor in your life.

There's a long road ahead with the new resolutions and you'll find you can get them all completed a little easier if you can have your first one as live with less stress.

Source:  www.helpguide.org

Using Trauma Informed Care with Sexual Abuse Victims

The Sexual Assault Center of Child and Family Services sees many clients each year, each receiving different treatment strategies crafted to help each person find a way to heal.  The strategies as are as varied as the clients but all of them have the clients’ care at heart.  Susie was one of these clients.

Susie is an 11 year old girl who came to us after being sexually abused by a family member, a story more common than people are aware.  The trauma doesn’t end with the abuse though.  Susie was experiencing extreme sadness, nightmares, painful thoughts, and frequent flashbacks of the abuse.  Victims of sexual assault can suffer with these symptoms for decades without help.

Her therapist decided to use trauma informed care with Susie, a philosophy that someone who experienced trauma and violence can be affected neurologically, biologically, psychologically and socially.  Trauma informed care uses a mix of play, art, and talk therapy to help someone reprocess their trauma, letting them eliminate the symptoms plaguing them from the abuse.

Susie suffered from panic attacks and anxiety, sometimes waking from nightmares and having difficult time breathing.  Using trauma informed care; her therapist taught Susie the Bubble Breathing technique.  She would blow all kinds of bubbles.  She would try to blow as big of a bubble as she could.  She would try to blow as many bubbles as she could.  To her, blowing bubbles was fun.  What she was learning with all of this fun though was how to do a deep breathing relaxation exercise.  Susie was learning to control her breathing, and if she woke from a nightmare, she could practice bubble breathing to relax again.

Susie also had a physical reaction to her trauma.  To help her with this her therapist used a technique called “Where is the Hurt.”  They talked about where in their body they feel their emotions, like how we feel sick when we’re nervous or full of energy when we’re happy.  Susie had a lot of anger from her sexual abuse and she felt that anger the most in her stomach.  After realizing that, Susie was able to understand why her stomach hurt and how she could help it.

Susie went on to successfully graduate counseling with a few new tools in her toolbox to help her cope with the abuse.  She now understands the sexual abuse was not her fault.