Internet Safety Tips for Facebook's New Timeline

This month Facebook is implementing its new replacement for a profile page called Timeline.  All of your previous posts will be collected and viewable in chronological order from when you first created your Facebook account.  For many people this could be years worth of information, not all of which they can remember ever posting.  Child and Family Services' Sexual Assault Center promotes the message of being safe not only out in the world, but online as well.  With Facebook changing to putting so much information together in one spot, we thought it'd be helpful to have a few reminders on internet safety.

Tips for your children:

• Check your child's friends list to make sure you know who they are talking to.
• Check their privacy settings to be sure only their friends can see their page.
• Check their photos to make sure they're not giving out too much information.  Most people aren't aware pictures taken with phones can have geolocating in the file, giving anyone GPS coordinates to where that picture was taken.
• Report any inappropriate behavior to the proper authorities.  If a stranger is contacting your child online there is no harm in being too safe.
• Be friends with your child on Facebook and monitor their page.  Also, be aware that it may not be your child's only Facebook page.  It could be just the one they have for family members.

Tips for everyone:

• Go through your timeline and hide or remove any material you don't want being shared
• Check your privacy settings so only people you are comfortable sharing information with can see it.  You can even make sub-groups to block certain people.
• Make sure the information you want to share is what you really want to share.  Cell phone numbers can be used to find the general area where you live.
• Remember that what you put on the internet can potentially be there forever.  Once it is out there, you have no control if someone downloads or copies it and posts it somewhere else.

It never hurts to be safe, especially when technology is making it so easy for us to connect with each other.

Utah School Outs Student's Sexual Orientation to Parents to Prevent Bullying

Advocates for anti-bullying and LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bi-Sexual, Transgender) rights are on opposite sides after the news broke of the staff of a school in Alpine School District in Utah informing a student's parents of the boy's sexual orientation. It all started with a class assignment. Students were to create an advertisement of themselves and projects would be displayed in the classroom. One 14 year old student had chosen to do his assignment on being gay. His teacher had asked him afterward if he was sure he wanted it displayed in the classroom and the student said that was what he wanted. This would be the first time the student was publicly out. The staff of the school recognized the potential for bullying this posed and asked the boy if it would be okay to talk to his parents about this. He agreed but didn't wish to participate in the meeting. This meeting is where the line was drawn between the two sides. LGBT advocates have stated the school has no business in outing a student to their parents, that it should be the student's choice. There is always a risk when someone chooses to be out, especially to family. How will they react? How will things change? Will they be welcome at home anymore? The school has not backed down from their decision and have their own supporters. The staff have decided to be proactive against bullying and realized bullying against the student would likely increase if he became out to the rest of the school. Fearing for the student's safety, they felt his parents should be informed.

Amid the controversy is the growing issue of bullying in schools. Over 160,000 children miss school each day out of fear and intimidation and 71% feel bullying is a problem in their school. A staggering 90% of middle school students report being bullied in some form and over 19,000 students attempt suicide each year because of bullying. The risks of bullying are even higher among LGBT teens. Nine out of ten LGBT teens have reported being bullied with 44% being sexually harassed and 22% being physically assaulted. Gay and lesbian students are two to three times more likely to commit suicide due to the harassment and five times more likely to miss school because they feel unsafe. They are more likely to be targets of bullying with a 2005 study showing the second most common reason for being bullied being sexual orientation, whether it was actual or perceived. On top of the harassment itself is the damage caused by the appearance of inaction. Among incidents reported by LGBT teens, one third of the staff didn't take action to resolve the issue. Disciplining has always been treated as a private matter but with bullying it creates the appearance among students that nothing is being done about it. It's treated as the staff silently condoning the behavior and drawing a line in the sand. Those who don't stand against the bully are believed to be on the bully's side which leaves the victim feeling lonely and isolated. Lost among the controversy are the triumphs that can be found in this story. A 14 year old boy felt confident enough in himself to out himself to his fellow students and is brave enough to face the bullying that may result from it. Also, a school has taken the initiative to putting an end to bullying and ensuring the safety of its students. These small victories can't be ignored when bullying is such an issue for us today. Source: makebeatsnotbeatdowns.com

New Charges Against Former Penn State Jerry Sandusky Shed Light on Grooming

Former Penn State coach Jerry Sandusky has been arrested with two more victims stepping forward with allegations, bringing the total to 10 victims. Like many cases involving sexual assault, there are arguments and opinions on both sides. Some people are wondering why these two waited so long to come forward. Is it money they are after? Are they just jumping on the bandwagon? These types of questions are common in cases involving high profile figures, the kind of diatribe used to discredit a victim and their experience. The truth is this can be one of the most stressful and terrifying decisions a victim can make. The details that have emerged from the allegations have painted a picture typical of many abusers who target children: the practice of “grooming.”

Grooming is a word often brought up but not usually explained. When a child has been groomed, not only is it difficult to tell their story but also have to deal with how they feel about their abuser. When many people think of child sexual abuse it is the idea of the creepy van hanging around a playground, waiting for the unsuspecting child to wander close enough to be snatched up and driven away. It’s this concept that has us teaching our children to not talk to strangers, to stay close, and to scream and holler if anyone tries to take them. But what if that person isn’t a stranger?

This is where grooming comes into play. The danger doesn’t come from a windowless van or odd strangers. The danger comes from those who your child trusts. It’s been reported that Sandusky would take the victims to football games, give them gifts, and even let them stay overnight at his house. The abuser doesn’t want to be scary; they want to be your child’s best friend. That’s how they keep the child from telling. No matter how much we teach our kids about good and bad touches it can’t measure up to the pressure they feel when their best friend wants to do something they know is wrong. It’s a slow process of gifts and attention, perhaps the appreciation the child has never had, with the abusers testing their boundaries every step of the way. First they have little secrets; that candy bar before dinner, a secret trip to a ballgame when they’re supposed to be in school. Then, when the abuser knows the child can keep a secret, they push the boundaries. Uncomfortable touches, pornography, and the like are all examples of an abuser trying to push the line a little further to get what they want. How can we expect a ten year old to be able to understand the manipulation that’s going on? How can we fault them when the nicest person they know starts hurting them and they are afraid to tell? Yet that is what grooming is all about. It’s taking the time to earn your child’s trust gradually so when the abuse begins, it’s subversive and they feel too guilty to tell anyone.

When new victims step forward with the courage to tell their story it’s not out of glory or greed, but for having the strength in knowing that they are no longer alone. They don’t have to be afraid anymore. They don’t have to carry the guilt. They can face their abuser together knowing the abuse wasn’t their fault.

If you’d like to know more about sexual abuse, grooming, or have any other questions, feel free to contact our Sexual Assault Prevention Coordinator, Ash Christians, at achristians@sac-saginaw.org.