The Price of Ignorance

This past Thursday saw the release of Penn State's independent inquiry on the handling of allegations against Jerry Sandusky, who was convicted last month of 47 charges relating to sexual assault.  You can read all 267 pages of the report here but the main take-away is former Athletic Director Tim Curley, ex-Vice President Gary Schultz, former president Graham Spencer, and former head football coach Joe Paterno conspired together to conceal the allegations against Jerry Sandusky.  The report has left a maelstrom of controversy and debate surrounding the university.

Attorneys for Curley and Schultz claim the report is lopsided and have continued to state they acted appropriately on what they knew.  However, the report cites among over 430 interviews that a janitor who witnessed one of the rapes said he was afraid to report it to police because it meant he would have been fired.  He said "football runs this university" and if Joe Paterno, who Jerry Sandusky worked under, didn't like someone, they would be gone.

The report also shows how these four top officials made no effort to mention a criminal investigation into Sandusky to the Board of Trustees from charges in 1998 and 1999.  None of these four, Paterno even having an office just feet from Sandusky's, made an effort to discuss Sandusky's conduct with him nor prevent him from bringing children onto campus.

Whether or not these men knew the extent of the truth is still up for debate, but what is evident is they did not want to know.  Joe Paterno passed away in January, leaving his family to issue a response to the report, but before passing had admitted that he wished he had done more.  His family defended him, saying he reported what he had been told and had left it up to higher administration to "do their jobs."  If true, this is still concerning considering there was no follow-through by him on an employee under his supervision.  One would think it reasonable that if a supervisor had an employee under an investigation, they would have an interest in the outcome of that investigation.  This "pass the buck" attitude shows that even if Paterno didn't know what was going on with Sandusky, he didn't want to know.

So then what is the price of ignorance?  Eight known victims of sexual abuse, the tarnished career of a hall of fame coach, pending charges against the university's top officials, and an immeasurable amount of damage to Penn State University's reputation among others.  All of this occurred because people decided they would be happier not knowing.  That's why victims need to be believed, regardless of a person's standing, reputation, or negative publicity.  How much of this could have been avoided if only people had believed the victims and were willing to put them ahead of a reputation?

Does Media Affect Us?

There has been a debate raging on for decades now, an argument that believe it or not, would affect each and every one of us.  Does media affect us?

Unfortunately, the answer is a gray, blurry “sort of.”  Studies have gone on for years trying to determine the effects of violent movies, TV, and video games with no clear determination of an answer.  Some argue that clearly violent media creates an immediate increase in violent behavior, while studies like those in the book Grand Theft Childhood explain it as only a short term effect, when it has shown to have one, lasting as short as a few hours.  It always comes down to a chicken or the egg type of question.  Does violent media make people violent or are violent people drawn to violent media?

What has been proven true though is how media affects our perceptions.  When the news is filled with bleak and depressing stories, it creates the idea in a viewer that everything is wrong in the world.  Our perceptions are affected in other ways as well.  Think of people you may know who become obsessed with medical dramas like Grey’s Anatomy or House.  Do they sometimes act like a medical guru, putting their seasons of study to practical use, repeating diagnoses they’ve witnessed on their shows?  A few years ago a study was done to determine which show was the most medically accurate.  The winner:  House with 30%.  That’s right, the most accurate medical knowledge of a TV medical drama was accurate only 30% of the time.  Still feel safe with that friend’s diagnosis?

Now nobody’s going to let someone perform open heart surgery, no matter how many times they’ve watched their DVDs of all the seasons of ER.  Where this becomes a problem though is when you introduce ideas of sexism and racism.  What message does it send if a cop drama is always arresting African Americans, or if in a drama the woman boss is mean, manipulative, and heartless while the girl intern is stumbling through life waiting to be rescued by a future boyfriend?

When I was young, TV told me Hispanic people were members of drug cartels and bikers were cool bounty hunters.  It wasn’t until I had more influences in the world to see the much bigger picture.  The truth is media does affect our perceptions and our perceptions are our reality.  If we always see bad news our world becomes a bad place.  Inaccurate perceptions create an inaccurate reality.  Women become trophies, minorities become criminals, and violence becomes the answer for every problem.

There is a light in all of this though.  With awareness, we can enjoy whatever media we like without having it influence our behavior.  It can be reduced down to the escapism it was meant to be while we sit back and enjoy the show.  Take the time to learn more outside of what’s presented to you.  Talk with your kids about what they’re watching so they can get life’s answers from you, rather than the TV, and they can be above its influence.

Understand Your Child's Technology

McAfee, the computer security company, recently conducted a study involving children’s computer activity.  Among many of the things they found and posted on their blog, perhaps the most alarming is 71% of teens hide their online activity from their parents, up from only 45% in 2010.  Meanwhile, 45% of parents believe their kids tell them everything, so there is a large gap of parents who believe they know what their child is doing while the child is hiding what they're doing.  Perhaps the scariest of the results is 12% of teens meeting someone in person that they met online.  

There are programs out there that allow you to spy on your kids while they use the computer, but this can create more problems than you might already have.  For starters, if your child is already more tech savvy than you, there's a good chance they will be able to detect the spying program and possibly even deactivate it.  It creates a feeling of betrayal and mistrust.  One of the tactics of internet predators is to drive a wedge between a teen and their parent, to create more trust in them than they have in you.  Once that happens, it becomes easier to negotiate an in-person meeting.  It also closes down lines of communication you could be using to make sure your child is safe.  Instead, you want to build a foundation of trust with your child, that way they know they can come to you when they have a problem.

One of the things you can do is take the time to have at least a base understanding of what they're doing.  You don't need to be actively using Facebook or any other social network, but try to be a bit familiar with it.  Many parents will have their child accept a friend request, but they may not know that the child can also block their parent from seeing posts.  Treat it as you would any other social interaction with your child.  You wouldn't hover over them when they have friends over so you shouldn't comment on every post they make online.  Even if you don't use Facebook often, check in from time to time to see if anything has changed.  Social networks like Google+ have incorporated video chats now as well so the interactions your child can have online are expanding.

If all else fails, simply ask them.  Predators take the time to get to know your kids so you should too..  If you don't take the time to build a foundation of trust and communication between you and them, you're not going to get anything.

Should Sex Offenders Be Required to Show Their Status on Social Networks?

Louisiana's Gov. Bobby Jindal recently signed a law adding to the state's requirements for registered sex offenders.  This new law requires offenders to list their status as a sex offender, a notice of the crime they were convicted of, where they were convicted, a description of their physical appearance, and their address.  This law was created in response to a previous law which banned sexual predators from using the internet when it was declared unconstitutional by the courts.

Laws like these create a balancing act between the rights and safety of an individual versus the rights of the public.  The American Civil Liberties of Louisiana argued against the previous law based on it infringing on constitutional rights while proponents of the law argued for the rights of the public.

Although many social network sites, Facebook included, prohibit sex offenders from having an account, many often slip through the cracks.   States have started requiring registered offenders to release email addresses to them, but without a connecting system, social network sites cannot screen out user accounts as sex offenders on their own.  Perhaps then, Louisiana's new law is the answer.  Rather than risking the possibility of a predator slipping through the currently loose safeguards, it would essentially broadcast a warning.  It is far easier for a parole officer to verify an offender's compliance by checking their account than it is to dig through all of the accounts, over 300 million on Facebook alone.  Plus, is it really that much different from providing an offender's address on the sex offender registry?

Back in 2006, Kevin Poulsen, a writer for Wired Magazine, tested whether or not sex offenders could be identified as having a MySpace account, something MySpace denied was possible.  He wrote a computer code which compared the sex offender registry to MySpace accounts and proceeded to physically verify the data, going over pictures and information to make sure they matched up.  Not only did he find offenders with MySpace accounts, but he was also instrumental in the arrest of Andrew Lubrano, an offender that was actively preying on teen victims.

When offenders are already required to notify neighborhoods and schools of their status, is it too much to require them to also make that information available online?  When there's a risk of them preying on new victims, the answer is no.  When it's possible for anyone to have any number of fake Facebook accounts, it's a bit comforting to know somebody else is keeping their eye out.

Why is Sexual Abuse Overlooked?

As the Jerry Sandusky trial continued this past week over allegations of child sexual abuse, it has fueled the discussion of how do tragedies like this go on without anyone saying anything, especially when there are indications that personnel with authority had suspicions of what was taking place.  The Catholic Church suffered a scandal that still plagues them years later where priests who were accused of sexual assault were simply relocated without a word of warning.  There are questions of how much coach Joe Paterno knew was going on with Jerry Sandusky at Penn State.  Recently, reports have surfaced of sexual abuse by multiple teachers at a school in New York, Horace Mann, with suspicion on whether or not the head of the school was aware.  When people are so outraged by child sexual abuse, why then does no one act in cases like these?

Part of the reason is because the offenders don't fit the "profile" or picture that most people have of a sexual predator.  To most people, a sexual predator is a scary man in a white van looking to lure you in with the promises of toys and candy.  People believe predators are the outcasts of society, unable to work a decent job and so anti-social that there isn't a possibility they could be friends with one.  They're someone who easily stands out and we can point to for children to warn them of.  But as stated in previous blog entries, that is far from the case.

Why then do people still believe the "profile?"  It's because it helps us feel safe.  When bad people don't look like us it's easier to recognize them.  It's not comfortable to feel like anyone around you could not be what they seem.  People don't want to believe the victim in these cases because it would mean the monsters have gotten through the walls.  It would mean it could just as well have happened to us.  So instead, victims are shunned and blamed, not by everyone, but even if one person does it's too many.  You can find families that are divided when allegations surface against another family member.  The victims in the Jerry Sandusky trial have been accused of making false allegations for money.  Instead of listening to a victim people build more walls between us and them, except nobody realizes they are blocking themselves in with a sexual predator.

Staying Connected as a Family

It's 8:00 PM.  Mom is sitting on the sofa, reading her Kindle.  Dad is on his iPad playing with a newly downloaded app.  One kid is in his bedroom texting with friends from school, and the other kid is watching TV-essentially alone.

Does that sound like a weeknight at your house?  If so, you may be among a growing statistic. Many families are having a hard time staying connected with each other in this high-tech world we now live in.  I don't believe technology is the enemy, but time management and identifying priorities may be.

How do you stay connected as a family living in the 21st century?

Here are a few activities you can do with your family to stay connected:

1. Eat Dinner Together - sharing a meal and sharing each others day is a very powerful activity. 
2. Family Walk or Bike Ride - kids don't get enough physical activity and the time it takes to walk a block can provide important connection time with your child.
3. Family Night - Put each family member's name in a bowl and at the beginning of the week pull a name.  That person selects what to do on family night.  This allows everyone's interest to be shared by the family and the family learns more about each other.
4. Make A Date with Your Child - Once a month make a date with each child.  That date can be a one on one walk, movie, lunch or even errands.  Each child is an individual and it is important to appreciate them this way.

Volunteer Together - this helps families stay connected, realize the value of service to others.

Battling Victim Blaming

One of the biggest struggles when confronting sexual assault and rape are the attitudes and misinformation manifesting into acts of victim blaming.  Its origins can rise out of malicious sexism or subtle myths that have been perpetrated for years.  It shames victims from coming forward and reporting an attack, pushing onto them the idea that what happened was their fault.  Victim blaming also removes guilt from an assailant, telling them they weren't in control of their actions and that a victim caused them to do it.

Nobody would ever blame a bank for being robbed, saying it was their fault for having cash on hand, yet victims of sexual violence often face judgement for being a victim of a crime.  They hear things like "what was she wearing?  How much did she have to drink?  Who was she with?  What was she doing there? She should have known better."  Even child victims are put through this scrutiny, being accused of talking to a stranger or not doing what they were told regardless of the facts of an abduction.

Even people who are trying to help by offering their "safety tips" can put more pressure on victims.  Telling women not to wear dresses or to cut their hair because it attracts rapists makes it sound like the attacker has no control.  It also tells victims "that's where you screwed up" when none of those factors contributed to the assault.  These "tips" tell a victim if she reports the crime, she won't be treated with respect.

So how do we fight victim blaming?

Education:  By educating people on the facts of sexual assault and dispelling the myths, we help people understand sexual assault is not a crime the victim caused but the choice and actions made by the assailant.

Bystander Intervention:  If someone makes a statement that sounds like victim blaming, take the time to inform them of the facts.  Ask them how whatever the victim did could physically make someone commit a rape or if they feel the victim deserved to be raped.  The truth is most people have never thought that much about sexual assault and just repeat things they've heard.

Empathy for Victims:  By showing empathy for victims of sexual assault, we can help them feel safe from judgement and understand the attack was not their fault.  It will also show them there is someone who supports them and that they are not alone.

If each of us take the time to do one of these three things, we can create an atmosphere where victims can feel safe and where perpetrators know their actions won't be tolerated.